FDP Forum / Walk Up the Mountain/ 14 messages in thread.

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tiller2

Contributing Member
******

USA

Jul 9th, 2012 01:09 PM        

Hey all, it's been several years since I posted a song here, but my brother challenged me to write some lyrics... and something clicked. My brother is having a go at the melody, but I've got Phil Collins singing it in my head, at least. Any reactions are appreciatively received....<br /> <br /> Walk Up the Mountain<br /> <br /> You told me talking in your coffee that you’re never going back,<br /> But there’s a ticket in your jacket and all your bags are packed.<br /> Now your flights are grounded, is that a hint you’ll take?<br /> And your fort’s surrounded, is it time to make a break.<br /> <br /> [Chorus]<br /> Walk up the mountain, girl, and find the waters of your spring<br /> Follow the silver voice your call is answering. <br /> <br /> All your high falutin’ friends showed you what living is about.<br /> Now they’re stuck up in their castles like everybody else.<br /> Even your daddy who stood you up and handed you the keys<br /> Is out there somewhere on the highway, he’s got the same disease.<br /> <br /> [Bridge]<br /> You try to be heard above all the voices.<br /> But take it from me, I've made my choices,<br /> Those songs were made for other singers,<br /> Their brass rings won’t fit your fingers.<br /> <br /> [Chorus]<br /> Walk up the mountain, girl, and find the waters of your spring<br /> Follow the silver voice your call is answering.<br /> <br /> Your call is answering, your call is answering<br /> <br /> <br /> Copyright 2012 Andrew Trotter<br /> <br /> I've just added a quick "demo" recording of it--with apologies for how rough it is. But it gives an idea of the song. Potential here?<br />



kve



Crozet, VA

I'm "Branded"-- my stars are ripped away
Jul 12th, 2012 05:16 PM        

tiller2: have you check out 50/90 yet? Good place to get the writing juices flowing (even though I am off to a slow start this year). <br /> <br /> This lyric is very "esoteric". There is a lot of inside knowledge that the casual reader really is not included in. You may know exactly what you mean, but I don't.<br /> <br /> Think of it as a three minute movie -- paint the scenes, who, what, where, why, and when. <br /> <br /> Or if the music is perfect and it all flows together, don't change a thing (ha, ha).



Alderandash

Contributing Member
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QLD Australia

Jul 13th, 2012 01:28 AM        

A bit like this one hey kve?<br /> <br /> I was born in a cross-fire hurricane<br /> And I howled at my ma in the driving rain,<br /> But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas!<br /> But it's all right. Im jumpin jack flash,<br /> Its a gas! gas! gas!<br /> <br /> I was raised by a toothless, bearded hag,<br /> I was schooled with a strap right across my back,<br /> But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas!<br /> But it's all right, Im jumpin jack flash,<br /> Its a gas! gas! gas!<br /> <br /> I was drowned, I was washed up and left for dead.<br /> I fell down to my feet and I saw they bled.<br /> I frowned at the crumbs of a crust of bread.<br /> Yeah, yeah, yeah<br /> I was crowned with a spike right thru my head.<br /> But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas!<br /> But it's all right, Im jumpin jack flash,<br /> Its a gas! gas! gas!<br /> <br /> Jumping jack flash, it's a gas<br /> Jumping jack flash, it's a gas<br /> Jumping jack flash, it's a gas<br /> Jumping jack flash, it's a gas<br /> Jumping jack flash<br /> <br /> kve, I think we've had this exchange before. You are too hung up on the lyrics and trying to spell out a story.<br /> <br /> I think tiller2's lyrics are fine.<br /> It only depends on the tune and beat to determine whether it is a good song.<br /> <br /> If Richards and Jagger had put most of their work here for critique I fear they would have been dismissed as esoteric?<br /> <br /> These are only words - let's hear the song. <br /> <br />



Macman



Central NY

Jul 13th, 2012 02:26 AM        

Great effort. Could the imagery might be enhanced by climbing instead of walking up the mountain? (implying it's a more difficult task) <br /> <br /> Reading song lyrics is like... well it's only half of the thing. I'd really like to hear the whole song.



kve



Crozet, VA

I'm "Branded"-- my stars are ripped away
Jul 13th, 2012 04:51 AM        

Are we reviewing 40+ year old rock songs or trying to help by giving opinions on tiller2's lyrics?<br /> <br /> My opinion is just that, an opinion. I expect that tller2 will use (or discard) my opinion and do the song that he feels is best. Reviewing the reviewer right away (imo) just gets us off-topic too soon (not that there is anything inherently wrong with reviewing the reviewer).



Alderandash

Contributing Member
****

QLD Australia

Jul 13th, 2012 09:01 AM        

"Are we reviewing 40+ year old rock songs or trying to help by giving opinions on tiller2's lyrics?"<br /> <br /> To me songs are evaluated solely by the use of our ears. <br /> I used the example above to illustrate why your criticism really doesn't carry much weight.<br /> I could have used hundreds of other "hit"examples and perhaps even more from recent periods.<br /> This forum has almost died and I believe it is because a few critics have concentrated on pedantic analysis of lyrics rather than insist that the "song" needs to be at least sketched with a tune, cadence and rythm before we can give a valuable assessment.<br /> Many songs are like impressionist paintings where the listener's imagination is challenged to interpret the meaning of the lyrics.<br /> As I said in my original post - the lyrics tiller2 has written seem fine but without hearing the tune I don't know if it is a good song.<br /> That I don't know the whole story is to me - irrelevant. <br />



kve



Crozet, VA

I'm "Branded"-- my stars are ripped away
Jul 13th, 2012 09:58 AM        

I hate it when people<br /> who never post a song<br /> tell you that you are<br /> doing it all wrong<br /> <br /> you say its dying<br /> cause of pedantic analysis<br /> is that a theory<br /> or just a hypothesis<br /> <br /> a song is a song<br /> and lyrics are some words<br /> if you can't contribute<br /> maybe just observe



tiller2

Contributing Member
******

USA

Jul 14th, 2012 05:06 PM        

Wow--a controversy! I'm so proud that my little song started it... Seriously, guys, thanks for all your comments.<br /> <br /> I do have the melody/chords and can make a basic recording with my digital recorder, in the next day or two. Nothing fancy and I'm just getting over a cold, okay? <br /> <br /> But it will give you the chord progression and maybe you can give some ideas. Stay tuned.<br /> <br />



tiller2

Contributing Member
******

USA

Jul 15th, 2012 09:00 AM        

"This lyric is very "esoteric". There is a lot of inside knowledge ...You may know exactly what you mean, but I don't."<br /> <br /> kve, I appreciate your analysis, but what I'll ask you to consider is the power of symbol--a basic in the writer's toolkit. Symbols pack oceans of information into a word or phrase--invaluable given the small trunk-space of a song.<br /> <br /> So I'm using symbols that have been established over centuries: mountain, waters, spring, silver, the call. I'll bet they bring meanings to your mind. Other words in my lyric also have symbolic content (castles and forts, grounded flights, highways, brass rings, etc.) but perhaps are more local and esoteric. But travel references are often a shorthand for life, aren't they?<br /> <br /> As for the who, where, etc.: Evidently the song is part of a conversation over coffee between a younger woman and older man, who is advising her about her travels and ... what? You need to use the symbols, and your imagination, to figure that out.<br /> <br /> [Edited for clarity.]



tiller2

Contributing Member
******

USA

Jul 15th, 2012 09:05 AM        

"Could the imagery might be enhanced by climbing instead of walking up the mountain? (implying it's a more difficult task)"<br /> <br /> macman, thanks. I started with "climb up the mountain" but then was concerned evoking and infringing on "Climb Every Mountain" from the Sound of Music. I might go back, though.



tiller2

Contributing Member
******

USA

Jul 17th, 2012 01:51 PM        

I am posting a link to a rough demo of the song, to give you an idea. Sorry for all my mistakes/clams, etc. I have a long way to go.



Alderandash

Contributing Member
****

QLD Australia

Jul 18th, 2012 02:47 PM        

Hey tiller2,<br /> I've listened to the song. I'll come back to it shortly - need to spend a bit more time with it.



kve



Crozet, VA

I'm "Branded"-- my stars are ripped away
Jul 18th, 2012 03:21 PM        

tiller2: Did you multi-track this (record the guitar and then a vocal track)? The reason I ask is that the guitar part and the vocal seem "separated" from each other. I am having trouble getting into the 'groove'. Usually I suggest the multi-track method, but for this one you might want to record the guitar and vocal together at the same time. I think it will help unify the tune. <br /> <br /> Vocals and guitar are sounding fine -- put them together more cohesively and the demo will improve greatly. I know you are wanting more on the song itself, but it is hard for me to separate the demo from the song sometimes.



tiller2

Contributing Member
******

USA

Jul 18th, 2012 03:43 PM        

Thank you for listening, fellas.<br /> <br /> I did not multitrack, it was a live recording. I have a little LC Sony recorder that has dual mics. I spread them apart, with one aiming at my amp and the other at myself. I regulated the mix, so to speak, by standing closer to the device than the amp was to it.<br /> <br /> I do think I could sing and play a lot more accurately/cohesively by multi-tracking. I have a Boss BR-600, which should do the job. I'm just out of practice with the equipment, and the Sony was the fastest way I could get a recording. If a better demo would help judge the song, I guess I will try to do so in the next couple of days.



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