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FDP Forum / Moe's Tavern (_8^(I) / Floriduh 2017 News Summary - Enjoy!

Gene from Tampa
Contributing Member

Tampa, FL

Press On Irregardless
Dec 28th, 2017 10:27 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Here is a brief summary of Florida News for 2017.

(And as a PSA NEVER tell your girlfriend you’re also sleeping with her mother).

Some 2017 Florida headlines became instant classics: "Man accidentally shoots self in road rage incident," and "Possum breaks into liquor store, gets skunky drunk" and "Polk City woman arrested for DUI on a horse."

And who could forget "Lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during Miami arson trial"?

A woman in a bikini contest in Stuart was busted for bashing a competitor in the head with her high-heeled shoe (neither won Miss Congeniality).

When a SWAT team raided a home in the retirement mega-community of The Villages, police found more than just the meth lab they’d expected. They also discovered it was a chop shop for stolen golf carts.

Jacksonville man caught tossing pipe bombs in a dentist’s parking lot told police he was just warming up for the Fourth of July.

A woman donned a wig to sneak into a Palm Coast wedding where she spotted her boyfriend kissing someone else, poured a drink on him, punched another woman, fled to the bathroom and was then dragged out by angry bridesmaids and got into a brawl with them.

Meanwhile, a Palm Beach Gardens mom threw eggs at her daughter’s boyfriend, then chased him through the yard with her Mercedes because he’d confessed to her daughter that he’d been cheating — with the mom.

By far the strangest food-related crime involved a man from Bay County who was armed with a machete when he stole some potato chips. He was then pursued by four deputies and crashed into their cars.

Speaking of machetes, weird weaponry made the news:

A Micanopy school was placed on lockdown when a man threatened parents in the car line with a gun and a dead possum.

Vero Beach woman attacked a police officer with an electric toothbrush.

A Lehigh Acres man was asleep in a chair when his dog barked, startling him, so that he jumped up and knocked a .25-caliber pistol off an end table, and when it hit the floor it shot him in the thigh.

A Plantation police officer giving a gun safety lesson to schoolchildren warned them that his Taser was not a toy, then accidentally Tasered a 10-year-old.

A Jacksonville man sat down on a gun in the driver’s seat of his car, and it shot him in the penis.

By far the greatest Florida news story of the year, though, and one of the greatest of all time, was contained in a small police-beat brief published in early December. The online headline says it all: "Florida man arrested after yelling about how terrible Florida is."

Contributing Member

Who's we sucka?

Smith, Wesson and me.
Dec 28th, 2017 10:41 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

In case you haven't read it yet.....

Best State Ever


Undiscover'd Country

from whose bourn no traveller returns.
Dec 28th, 2017 10:47 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

"Lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during Miami arson trial"
L O L !!

Gene from Tampa
Contributing Member

Tampa, FL

Press On Irregardless
Dec 28th, 2017 10:48 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Yeah, I'm a fan of Dave's. He gave me the idea to post this here (but it's not his list). I actually sent him a link to the FDP some time ago and he responded back saying he plays a Les Paul studio.

Contributing Member

Curled up

in the fecal position
Dec 28th, 2017 11:16 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

I love this kind of stuff. Plus, it's good entertainment!

Here are a few more examples from 2017:

Bite out of sandwich leads man to barricade himself in house

DUNDALK, MD. — A stolen bite out of his grilled cheese sandwich led a Maryland man to fire a shot inside his house and barricade himself for hours while police negotiated his surrender.


Piano-playing bear strikes chord at Colorado apartment

VAIL, CO. — Police say it wasn't a burglary — just a black bear that pounded on piano keys while rummaging through an apartment in Colorado. The revelation came after Katie Hawley reported her Vail apartment had been disturbed while she was away on May 31. Food in the freezer was partially eaten. She later checked security camera footage and saw the bear roaming the apartment and pouncing on piano keys.


Woman nabbed for drugs demands them back, is rearrested

SALEM, NH. — Authorities say a New Hampshire woman arrested for drug possession returned to the police station to demand the drugs be returned to her, and she was rearrested.


Pumpkin spice air freshener prompts evacuation of school

BALTIMORE, MD — An unusual smell prompted an evacuation and a hazardous materials response at a Baltimore high school. But after five people were taken to the hospital complaining of upset stomachs, fire officials discovered the source of the smell: a pumpkin spice air freshener.


Screams of "Help!" draw 911 call, but parrot is the screamer

CLACKAMAS, OR. — A deliveryman in Oregon who heard a woman's screams for help had his wife call 911, but when a deputy showed up it turned out the screamer was a parrot, not a woman.


Man gets his dying wish: to be buried with cheesesteaks

PLAINS, PA. — A man who always joked that he didn't want to venture into the afterlife hungry got his wish when he was buried with two cheesesteaks from his favorite sandwich shop — Pat's King of Steaks in Philadelphia.


Opossum breaks into liquor store and gets drunk as a skunk

FORT WALTON BEACH, FL — An opossum that apparently drank bourbon after breaking into a Florida liquor store sobered up at a wildlife rescue center and was released unharmed.

This kind of news restores my faith in humans and animals. They will always step up to remind me no matter how goofy I sometimes get, there are creatures a whole lot goofier than I am.

Bear strikes a jazz chord

Contributing Member

Curled up

in the fecal position
Dec 28th, 2017 11:31 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

I've been a Dave Barry fan for years. One of his funnier weekly columns is from the late 90s--about helping his Miami Herald pal Carl Hiaasen buy a guitar. Here's an excerpt:

"Electric guitars exert a strong appeal for guys, because they combine two critical elements: 1. A guitar. 2. Electricity. Taken separately, these elements have little intrinsic value. But combined, they have an almost magical effect: they enable a mediocre guitar player, or even a bad guitar player, to play WAY louder."

Here's the whole story

Gene from Tampa
Contributing Member

Tampa, FL

Press On Irregardless
Dec 28th, 2017 11:44 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Thanks! Love this: the band is so loud that merely by tuning up it can kill whales swimming thousands of miles away

Happy New Year!

Contributing Member


Dec 28th, 2017 11:50 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

The screaming parrot story reminded me of a similar one. My sis in law was down a couple years ago in nearby Howie in the Hills, doing Schutzhund (police dog training). The host had a wild screaming bird, her husband is a sheriff's deputy. Shortly after moving in he got a call from the office of a domestic disturbance...a screaming woman. At his house. Lol. He had to explain to his dispatcher about the bird. I met the thing, it was quite shrill.

Contributing Member

Bogue Falaya River

is STILL dark and cold.
Dec 28th, 2017 12:06 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

I love Dave Barry! I hated it when he retired from writing his weekly column.

buster strings
Contributing Member


Rafe Hollister is a friend of mine
Dec 28th, 2017 01:51 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

My favorite part of the "guitar" column:
Carl and I spent a while looking at guitars, with me offering knowledgeable insights such as "Here's a guitar" and "Here's another guitar over here." Then a salesman helped us out, explaining various technical aspects of guitars such as wood type, body style, pickups, tuning pegs, necks, frets, etc. Carl listened carefully, then, after considering all the factors, made his decision.
"I want a red one," he said.

FDP Forum / Moe's Tavern (_8^(I) / Floriduh 2017 News Summary - Enjoy!

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