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FDP Forum / Moe's Tavern (_8^(I) / Things They Didn't Tell You

professor
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North Gnarlyington

Oct 2nd, 2017 07:22 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

"this new modem and router will be blazingly fast"

No, it's no better than what you just ruined. And it's bulkier.

professor
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North Gnarlyington

Oct 2nd, 2017 07:24 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

32 years ago it was at a birthing class- "Now we'll talk about episiotomies!"

Taildragger
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USA

"toxic masculinity personified"
Oct 2nd, 2017 08:49 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

As young boys, we learned from experience that we were physically stronger than most girls. Then, in "health" class (that's what they called it in olden times) we learned that their plumbing was different from ours.

What they DIDN'T tell us was that the gals had gotten together and deviously weaponized their equipment, thereby completely neutralizing our physical advantage.

And it's been memorialized in song:

littleuch
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Florida

Oct 2nd, 2017 09:02 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

"You will be under anesthesia for your Cystoscopy with hydrodistention. You won't feel a thing".


Yeah, until you wake up. And try to pee.

NoSoapRadio
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Mass., Amerika

CO2 ... is there anything it can't do?
Oct 2nd, 2017 10:08 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

""Now we'll talk about episiotomies!""

When my wife was PG with our first, I went with her to a birthing class. I was uncomfortable with the whole thing so I was rocking nervously on the back legs of my chair when they started a film on the birth. They got to the part where they actually showed the snip.

The next thing I recall is waking up on my back in the row behind me with people hovering over me and putting wet towels on my face.

It was a proud moment for my wife I'm sure.

hushnel
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North Florida

A Friend of Bill W.
Oct 2nd, 2017 10:42 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Girls, women and ladies have always been my friends, I learn at a very early age that I was cursed, invariably I was told that I was like a brother, a wooden stake right through the heart.. I never really figured out how to shake it off.

Even today most of my friends are women. They are amazing creatures, just about the time you think you've got them figured out, bang not a freakin' clue.

My wife demanded I be with her when our daughter was born, she needed me there, so I was. All I could think of was the scene from the movie aliens. I held it together for her sake, and she was glad I was with her, so I was glad too, but damn.

Therealfrogman
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Pueblo, Co

Relics produce tone, and then some...
Oct 3rd, 2017 09:08 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Don’t wiz on the electric fence.

Gato
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Southern Calif

Oct 4th, 2017 06:19 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Getting rest as a hospital patient?

Yeah, right. With all the wake ups for meds, temps, BP, doctor prodding and poking, it's like trying to nap at home with telemarketers lighting up your Caller Id and door-to-door salesmen leaning on your doorbell, while the city water department runs its jackhammers in front of your house.

littleuch
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Florida

Oct 4th, 2017 06:27 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Lease a Honda Accord for just $169 per month.

"Will you be requiring the optional gas tank and steering wheel package with that?"

Peegoo
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Deus

ex Machina
Oct 4th, 2017 06:37 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Customer service...usually isn't.

The help desk...often can't.

"Best in class" (cars, trucks, etc.) is always 100% true, because there is only one vehicle in that class: the one they're advertising.



mfitz804
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Staten Island, NY

Godzilla the Thread Killa
Oct 4th, 2017 07:40 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

"When my wife was PG with our first, I went with her to a birthing class. I was uncomfortable with the whole thing so I was rocking nervously on the back legs of my chair when they started a film on the birth. They got to the part where they actually showed the snip.

The next thing I recall is waking up on my back in the row behind me with people hovering over me and putting wet towels on my face.

It was a proud moment for my wife I'm sure."

I kind of went the other way. As a medical malpractice attorney, I have worked on several cases of children injured from improper handling at and around the time of birth. I went in knowing all of the different episiotomy approaches, all of the maneuvers used when a baby is stuck coming out, I could read the heart monitor strips with accuracy to make sure the baby wasn't oxygen deprived, etc.

I had to be, frankly, the most annoying husband in the history of Labor & Delivery at that hospital. So much so that the doctor was keeping me informed during the birth as to what she was doing, like I was her resident.

I never told the doctor what I do for a living. I save that information for when I think it will be the funniest. I zinged the anesthesiologist with it at the exact second he touched my wife's back, he had just asked me what I do for a living and I delivered it flawlessly. He immediately jumped back and started talking about what it was like, etc...

But, there's nothing funny about childbirth so I kept it to myself. The doctor handled things quite well and all was good.

Back to the topic at hand, they never told me how fun it would be to razz my own kid with "dad jokes". Driving her nuts is one of my favorite pastimes, and has led to her having a similar sense of humor to mine, much to my wife's chagrin.

hushnel
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North Florida

A Friend of Bill W.
Oct 4th, 2017 09:44 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Rated the longest lasting pickup truck.

Yeah, right, 10 years on the road and 10 years in the shop 20 years of service.

(This message was last edited by hushnel at 11:45 AM, Oct 4th, 2017)

FDP Forum / Moe's Tavern (_8^(I) / Things They Didn't Tell You




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