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FDP Forum / Tin Pan Alley - Songwriting / It's Been Awhile

Jcpstrat
Contributing Member
*

Central Ky, USA

Twang You’re Magic Twanger There Froggy
Mar 25th, 2011 11:27 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

... that is since I've been a part of the forum.

I've made changes to my recording gear along the way ... away from Zoom digital recorders to a PC based DAW.

This particular song has taken forever to finish. Got the music years ago but just couldn't figure out what it was supposed to be about and couldn't force anything. Then one night I picked up my guitar and the lyrics just poured out. More on that at SoundClick in the "About the Song" description if your interested. I guess it's a cross between Contemporary Christian & Christian Rock.

Lyrics

Verse 1
There was something about him
People would gather round him
Just to hear what he would say
His words seemed filled with wisdom
They had compassion in them
The crowds grew larger every day ... oh yes ... every day

Verse 2:
He found 12 men he could use
To help him spread the Good News
Yet even they could loose their way
He had a single focus
To help fulfill his purpose
As he prepared for that day .... oh Lord ... for that day

Chorus 1:
When they nailed him to a cross
Stripped of dignity
And he did this, for you … and me

Verse 3:
Then on the 3rd day after
He rose to close that chapter
Having done what he came to do
The twelve that just denied him
Now risked their lives describing
All that he did for me and you .... oh yes ... for you and me

Chorus 1:
When they nailed him to that cross
Stripped of dignity
And he did this for you and me

Extended. guitar Inst

Verse 4:
So in this world that we live in
With all the temptations to give in
What are we …. to do
Find his gift that’s within you
The one he created just for you
Then let him guide you every day
Oh Lord … guide us this day

See top song at SoundClick

thouston
Contributing Member
******

Ohio

I love the blues!
Mar 25th, 2011 05:35 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Very uplifting..but I feel your vocals are too buried in the mix.

Jcpstrat
Contributing Member
*

Central Ky, USA

Twang You’re Magic Twanger There Froggy
Mar 25th, 2011 09:05 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Thanks thouston for your comments ... you're probably right about it because right now all the comments here and elsewhere have centered around the vocal. The consensus seems to be bring it up and maybe add female voice doing counter melody.

Appreciate you listening and commenting.

kve

Crozet, VA

I'm "Branded"-- my stars are ripped away
Mar 26th, 2011 04:24 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Hard to do a different "praise and worship" song, but I think you have done pretty well here.

A little bit of a retro sound to it at the beginning and the vocals awash in reverb reinforces that. At this tempo. I think you need to have the chorus at the end of the verse 1 (which will take a little re-writing).

Your "chorus" really isn't a chorus -- more like a tag to the verse. It needs to different and have the message of the tune in it. "As he prepared for that day .... oh Lord ... for that day" is closer to a chorus. Right now every section is too similar, so 5.5+ minutes is a bit of a struggle.

I would go for a modern form structure (like V-Ch-V-CH-Br-Ch) and see how it works. You gotta say what you are going to say in two verses!

Kevin



Jcpstrat
Contributing Member
*

Central Ky, USA

Twang You�re Magic Twanger There Froggy
Mar 26th, 2011 09:15 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Thanks kve for listening and your comments. I was worried about the 5+ minutes too and was struggling with maybe dropping the instrumental part altogether and/or maybe one of what I called the choruses just to cut it down. I appreciate your suggestions cause I really felt it needed to be different from what I had but just didn't know what to change. It's probably obvious I don't know a lot about music structure but I'll see if I can give what you suggested a shot.

Jcpstrat
Contributing Member
*

Central Ky, USA

Twang You�re Magic Twanger There Froggy
Mar 30th, 2011 08:02 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Kevin ... I'm keeping your suggestions in mind but that would require a lot of re-recording work at this point.

I did bumped up the vocal track about 4db and like it better. I played around with compression and EQ but in the end just bumped the volume. 3db is supposed to be just noticeable. No other changes.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

durph

USA/Michigan

Jun 7th, 2011 08:51 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

I'm not much for evaluating song structure, etc. I just know when I like something. I like your stuff, it sounds very unique. Keep up the good work!

FDP Forum / Tin Pan Alley - Songwriting / It's Been Awhile




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