FDP Home Page / FDP Forum / FAQ's

The FDP is made possible by the following companies and individual members like you.
Please use the links below to show them we value their sponsorship.

Amazon

Guitar Center

Jensen Loudspeakers

Antique Electronics Supply

WD Music

Apex Tube Matching

Amplified Parts

Yellowjackets Tube Converters

Musician's Friend

MOD KITS DIY

Sweetwater


* God bless America and our men and women in uniform *

* Illegitimi non carborundum! *

If you benefit and learn from the FDP and enjoy our site, please help support us and become a Contributing Member or make a Donation today! The FDP counts on YOU to help keep the site going with an annual contribution. It's quick and easy with PayPal. Please do it TODAY!

Chris Greene, Host & Founder

LOST YOUR PASSWORD?

......................................................................

   
FDP Jam
Calendar
Find musicians
in your area!
  Search the Forums  

FDP Forum / Tin Pan Alley - Songwriting / Would welcome some constructive views on new song please :-)

Daribo

England

It's not about speed, it's about TONE
Aug 7th, 2009 03:46 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

It's been over a year since I posted a song called Everybody Has a Secret. I really appreciated a lot of the comments that were made.
I wrote this song about the same time but what with work etc, it just takes me so long to record things these days!

The song is called Over in a Day and is about someone having a hard time either at work or in a relationship. It's sung from the narrators point of view and is really them saying that they don't have to put up with it and it could all be over in a day if they ran away with them.

It's just really a simple pop song about wanting to run away and escape from a life that doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

I've posted this in the home recording forum for tips on the actual recording also but would welcome any views on the actual song itself.

Many Thanks

Over in a Day

(This message was last edited by Daribo at 03:52 AM, Aug 7th, 2009)

Daribo

England

It's not about speed, it's about TONE
Aug 7th, 2009 03:50 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

OVER IN A DAY

Verse One:

You lost your mind and turned away
A perfect heart in every way
A string of lies were thrown at you
Now this time round you know what to do

Bridge One:

Take a walk from where you came
Don't look back, don't feel ashamed
This mindset has got to be broken
There's no truer word to be spoken

Chorus:

Just turn around and walk away now
Turn around and walk away - don’t live in the past, live for today
It won’t be forever - we’ll make it together, and just remember
It could be over in a day

Verse Two:

The distant past - it clouds your mind
Like Friday night’s at just gone nine
But memories fade - they always do
It just takes time, to admit the truth

Bridge Two:

You hate the way they treated you
A case of 'do as I say, not as I do'
It's time for a change, a revelation
There's no time for your anticipation

Chorus:

Just turn around and walk away now
Turn around and walk away, don’t live in the past, live for today
It won’t be forever, we’ll beat this together, and just remember
It could be over in a day

Middle:

You know I’ll make it alright
We could run away, escape into the night
So won’t you run to me, come to me, run to me?


Daribo

England

It's not about speed, it's about TONE
Aug 12th, 2009 05:39 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Anyone?

gretschgork

usa

Aug 13th, 2009 12:39 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Not really the type of music I listen to, so take this with a grain of salt, but I can really appreciate the production and craftmanship of the song. Really well put together, sounds like something I would hear when I get in the car and my wife was the last one to tune the xm radio. Good job.

kve
Contributing Member
**

Crozet, VA

Aug 13th, 2009 05:23 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

pretty good production and everything sound pretty tight. I am not sure if the song is well served by that stop and start stuff in verse 1 -- maybe save that for near the end.

It's a solid pop rock song.

Kevin

Daribo

England

It's not about speed, it's about TONE
Aug 14th, 2009 02:31 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Thanks for taking the time to have a listen guys - all comments welcome and taken on board.

blowtorch
Contributing Member
***

USA

Aug 23rd, 2009 07:27 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

agree with kve regarding the stop/start in the beginning part. i dug it in general, and bridge one reminded me of "the cure" sorta (in a good way).

check out redfizz.com.

(This message was last edited by blowtorch at 07:39 PM, Aug 23rd, 2009)

PigfarmerJr

CoMo

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Aug 23rd, 2009 07:49 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Good sound to the demo for sure. I like the chorus especially. Good vocals as well. I liked the start/stop stuff. Gave it some interesting parts and contrast to the chorus. Maybe save it for the final verse for effect? Maybe just leave it as it is, cuz I like it. I could hear this on the local radio station I listen to. Would fit right in.

Daribo

England

It's not about speed, it's about TONE
Aug 27th, 2009 08:31 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Interesting re the stop and start opinions - I only had it in one verse to start with, but it got a bit boring (in my opinion) without it - too much 'strummy strummy' feel without it being broken up. The middle has a similar feel to the chorus and so I was worried it might seem a little bland.

Thank you to everyone that's taken the time to listen so far. Much apreciated and would welcome any further thoughts.



Soundchoice

U.S.A. WI

life`s new lease
Sep 9th, 2009 02:59 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

I think it is really good (professional) as is and I would put it out there now with no changes. There is a lot of talent in the writing and performing and further analizing would just bring on unnecessary tweeking in my opinion.

professor
Contributing Member
*********

NNE of Fogland

Sep 9th, 2009 03:15 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Sure fits the descriptions, doesn't need anything else. If you were going to fiddle with it some more, I could hear two things- hand claps to add some snappy, earthy choppiness to counter the smoothness of things, perhaps into the second half of the song in the chorus, and a female harmony voice in the chorus.

(This message was last edited by professor at 03:17 PM, Sep 9th, 2009)

harry64
Contributing Member
*****

nky

"A man's got to know his limitations"
Jan 11th, 2010 07:28 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Opening guitar riff kind of reminds me of Sniff and the Tears' "Driver's Seat."

I like it.

fendrguitplayr
Contributing Member
*****

Greater Boston

Joyfully embracing my midlife crisis
Jan 14th, 2010 05:23 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Solid pop rock uptempo song. Nice one!

kooder
Contributing Member
******

USA

Different is all I got ta offer.
Jan 15th, 2010 02:32 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Very nicely done, Daribo. Strong tunes, both!

marosborne
Contributing Member
****

USA

Feb 21st, 2010 08:27 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Excellent stuff! Great tunes, very well performed. A nitpicky tweak I'd make: make the drums more powerful and thunderous through judicial use of effects.

And what professor said a few posts up. Something like that.

You guys sound great!

jesse1d
Contributing Member

canada

Sep 14th, 2010 12:43 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Great work Daribo! What you have accomplished here is very impressive.

There are a few "polishing" ideas I have, however keep in mind they are only opinions, and an artist should remain true to their beliefs.

remove countdown at intro
lower keys volume in verse
remove lower mids eq on harmony
add some percussion instruments incrementally
bring drums more forward in the mix


FDP Forum / Tin Pan Alley - Songwriting / Would welcome some constructive views on new song please :-)




Reply to this Topic
Display my email address             Lost your password?
Your Message:
Link Address (URL):
Link Title:




Moderators: Chris Greene  Iron Man  reverendrob  

FDP, LLC Privacy Policy: Your real name, username, and email
are held in confidence and not disclosed to any third parties, sold, or
used for anything other than FDP Forum registration unless you specifically authorize disclosure.

Furtkamp.com 
Internet Application Development

Copyright © 1999-2017 Fender Discussion Page, LLC   All Rights Reserved